Wife, Mother, Pastor


Dealing With Difficult Church Members

As a wait impatiently for my ‘unhappy church member scolding’,  I find myself nervous and anxious.  They’re understandable feelings, but I have also found feelings in me that I don’t like. Pride, arrogance, and anything else that will put me on the defense.  When I feel I have been wronged I want to make sure my offender knows I’m right.  I want them to know my side and how they’re hurting me.
Having church members upset with us is never fun.  We took our positions to help and love people. To lead them closer to Christ.  When a member feels you are doing an inadequate job without understanding all sides, it’s hurtful.  Why is it so hard for us to brush these opinions and false accusations aside?  Why do we care? We care because
A.) We feel they are untrue- who wants people believing lies?
B.) We work really hard at what we do for the Kingdom.

I asked some ladies for some encouraging scripture as to how to deal with difficult Christians in your own church.  How do you handle situations knowing there are faults accusations and no compassion to accompany it?  A beloved lead pastor Ruthie, posted these scriptures.  The points are not my own, I have only expounded on them.  This is what The Lord showed me through Ruthie:
1 Peter 2:21-23 (NIV)

21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.

22 “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.”

23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.

  • Part of my calling includes suffering.  This does not mean fiery darts from wicked men, it may mean well intentioned Christians right in our church. We must learn how to deal with it, it’s not going away.
  • The one to run to is Jesus.  The more we get to know Him, the more we get to understand the ‘thorn in our side’ as well as learn how to deal with them.
  • My heart may be right with God, but that doesn’t mean accusations won’t come. The same thing happened to Jesus, enough said.
  • I need to learn to be like Jesus. Jesus never threatened or sought justice. He sought to live justly, as should we.
  • Entrust myself to the Ultimate Judge.  He knows me, it’s His opinion that matters.  Whether our accusers are right or wrong, I need to trust that if I’m surrendered to Him, I will hear His voice. This voice needs to change me whether I am right or wrong.  To either change my ways, or to be more compassionate to the situation/people.

These scriptures brought great relief and peace over me.  Suddenly I wasn’t living in fear.  I soon remembered God has my back, and He has yours.  Take it to Him, meditate on what He says and know He is by your side and in control.


“God, I need your help when my accusers- Christian or not.  I need help understanding their side and to see them through your eyes.  Help me to stay humble, teachable and more like Jesus. Help me to be slow to anger, slow to speak and quick to listen.  And help me to know you are with me and to trust you. Amen.”

How do you deal with difficult Christians?

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