Wife, Mother, Pastor

SHOW YOUR FLAWS- Relatable, Not Untouchable

“I just don’t want to take advice from her.”

I listened as my friend spilled her guts about the stresses of her life over coffee and apple pie.  She confided in me and another friend how much she wanted some help with her parenting.

I was surprised at this as our church has hosted conferences, small groups and more.  All on trying to help parents. It seems that when we put events together, no one shows- or those that do already seem to have it together.  When we recommend resources, no one “has time” to read those resources. I was also surprised because most people seem agitated someone even suggests something other than how they are actually parenting. But what I wasn’t expecting is why this particular mom didn’t like participating in these events.

She was tired of seeing the ‘perfect moms’ on social media, or wherever, publicly showing us all how to make homemade bread, organize the house, workout, and so on.

“Great,” she said.  “They’re doing another small group.  I just don’t feel like I can take parenting advice from someone so perfect.”

Now, mind you, these women whom she was speaking have their flaws.  They will be the first to tell you how NOT perfect they are.  However, it is hard for those around them to see the flaws when social media tells a different story.  Instagram posts of super mommy adventures, medals from half marathons, and their beautiful meals.

We as leaders obviously know this has to do with our identity in Christ.  It’s not new to us.  We witness this insecurity all the time, especially in women.

I did not grow up in the church, but from what I have gathered over the years, congregations had put pastors up on a pedestal and were someone to ‘idolize.’  Now a days, people are not looking for someone who is untouchable, but someone relatable.  Of course, pastors need to be good examples and be respected as the authority figures God has called them to be, but people want to know you’re not perfect.

The best advice ever given to me about public speaking was this- share your flaws and share other people’s successes.  Now, I’m not saying you should never share your testimonies or brag a little on your family.  However, more and more successes can look prideful over time and bitterness can build up.

So, what am I saying? Show your flaws now and then.  Leave the make-up off. Preach on the mistakes you’ve made.  Share past struggles.  You don’t have to give the gory details, just show you’re human.

I know that I cannot control other people’s insecurities.  I know that I can’t help it if someone compares them self to me- we all do it and have done it.  But after that night of tears, coffee, and pie, I said this prayer, “Lord, help me to be a good example to those I lead.  Never let them see me as untouchable, but relatable.  Help me to inspire their walk, not hinder their walk.”

How can we do this for our sheep?

ADMIT YOUR SHORTCOMINGS: Who didn’t have time to make fancy birthday treats for school?  This girl!  Sams cupcakes it is!

TELL FUNNY (NOT EMBARRASSING) STORIES ABOUT YOUR FAMILY: There are still those that think pastor families are perfect.  Don’t be afraid to humanize your family.  If your kids say or do something funny (not embarrassing, PLEASE be mindful of this) then share it- but ask their permission first.

SHARE YOUR PAST: It’s OK to share your past struggles now and then. Once, our youth pastor preached on pornography, sharing his journey and testimony. He is now set free, but he brought himself on everyone’s playing field and let them know, “Hey, if I can get set free from this, so can you.”  I think giving an open window into his past not only made him more relatable to those in the congregation, but brought glory to what God can do.

You can be inspiring, but still relatable.  I pray that is how people see us.  We will never be able to reach everyone, but maybe a few more than before.


Love you all!

Please share your thoughts below.








Wife, Mother, Pastor- STOP IT

You.  Yes YOU.  I have two words for you: STOP IT.

Stop the Christmas cookie making.

Stop the rushing to the mall for gifts.

Stop all the church activities every night this week.

Stop all the Christmas wrapping.

Stop rushing.


Do I sound like a Dr. Seuss book yet?

It’s just a few days before Christmas, yet it will feel like it went by in two minutes, and we will be incredibly exhausted.  Why do we do this to ourselves?  I’m still asking why I buy presents for family members that I don’t even know!

We in ministry know the Christmas story, we know it inside and out. We’ve preached it, written programs on it, and revolved our calendars around it.  Yet, many times, we tend not to really reflect on the greatness of what God has done for us.

This post has nothing super spiritual or profound in it.  All it really is is just a reminder- STOP IT.  Cut your Christmas budget in half, grab a coffee and Christmas cookie (that someone else made, lol), and sit by your lit tree.  Sit and reflect on the goodness of Jesus and what the season is really about.  Put the family in the car and just drive to look at lights.  Remember when we would just go for a drive? It can be so relaxing.

We preach that Jesus is the reason for the season, now let’s live it. Let’s be Marys in this Martha craziness and lay at our Savior’s feet. Then, let’s spend quality time with our families.  One day our kids will be grown and out of the house.  We will not get these Christmas times back.  Take advantage of it now while you have it.


“Lord, I ask your forgiveness where I have ran and ran without taking the time to just be with you.  Help me where I have made too much out of ‘what I need to get done’ this season instead of using it as a time to reflect on your goodness.  Help my family and I draw closer together this season instead of apart with all the things that ‘have to get done’.  Help us to relax together and make memories.  Thank you for this time that we celebrate you sending LOVE down to us.  Thank you for the gift of your Son, who is our Savior and why we celebrate. In Jesus Name, AMEN.”

Tell me!  How are you choosing to relax this year?  What are you purging from you life to slow down this season?

I’m Hearing Voices

Voices. Everywhere.

I know you hear them too.

Turn on the TV to another talking head telling you their opinion about something or someone.  Login to Facebook to another blog about the dangers of donuts, why this politician is the Antichrist, why we’re good moms (even though they don’t know us), or why the Titanic is a conspiracy.

Voices saying why we need a pet (a rescue pet of course) because it lowers blood pressure. You also have that book idea you have been sitting on for years and all you need to do is sacrifice some more sleep so you can write just a page a night.  You also need to budget, create more wealth, run 5 miles a day, take time for your hobbies, take care of yourself- but not too much or you’ll become vain.  There’s another romance movie telling you your husband isn’t good enough, another magazine article reminding you of your son’s inabilities, and another co-worker traipsing through Europe.  More voices telling me what I don’t have and how my life doesn’t measure up.  And don’t forget to pray that hour a day along with bible reading, scripture memorization, and worship.  Oh, and are you resting?

Don’t get me wrong, most of these things are not bad. However, what I have discovered over the years is that I have allowed way too many voices into my head and in turn have put too much pressure upon myself.  All this pressure has made me self-conscious and too busy.

In January, our church did a 40 day corporate fast.  My fast?  You guessed it, VOICES.  After 8 am I shut off the car radio with no music or talk radio.  I cut back on my social media supply because all I heard all day long were the voices, and it was pushing out the main voice I needed to hear: God’s.

That forty days was one of the best prayer times I have ever had.  I drew closer to God and I felt I was hearing His voice more than anyone else’s.  However, I have gotten back into the rat race of busyness and listening to everyone else.   Here are some steps I am taking to de-clutter my brain so I may hear what God wants me to do and not what everyone else thinks I should be doing.

  • SOCIAL MEDIA. Not having Facebook in this day in age is like being a missionary to another country without knowing the language- it’s just how our culture communicates. However, you might need to cut back.  I went through my ‘likes’ and ‘unliked’ a bunch of pages that were just not necessary in my life. I also removed the app from my phone.  Having an app is way too easy to get into other people’s drama.  This way if I really need to get on, I’ll do it the long way.  Also, turn off all app notifications.  Is it necessary to know every time Kohl’s is having a sale?
  • RADIO AND TV: Just turn it off.  If you want to make sure you are up and up on the news, watch it in the morning and then turn it off. If you are like me I blast AM radio every time I’m in the car, and really, it’s just more voices.
  • SUBSCRIPTIONS: Clean out your subscriptions whether it is your e-mail list or your magazine list. Do you need one more magazine reminding you of the nice house you do not have? Do you really have time to read that blog that comes into your email every week or day?
  • KEEP YOUR FOCUS: I have not only cleaned out my email list of articles to now just areas I’m focusing on, but my books as well. Sure, that Andy Stanley book looks really awesome, but does it pertain to my life right now? I really could learn something from him, he’s awesome.  However, right now I’m not a senior pastor trying to rear my congregation.  My focus is children and families, so are my book choices reflecting this?
  • A SELECT FEW: Everyone has an opinion, and we need to hear those opinions in our line of work. Praise is awesome, but you can only grow to the amount of criticism you can handle. However, this does not mean that all criticism is from the Lord. If you don’t agree with the constructive criticism then take it to prayer and your select few that you trust to speak into your life.  You may be able to understand a situation better with your ‘wise counsel’.


“Dear Lord, forgive me where I have placed other voices above yours.  I ask God that you would show me areas in my life I need to de-clutter in order to make more room for you and to actually live my life. Show me the areas of busyness I need to move away from to not be so consumed by ‘stuff’ but so I can be more consumed by you.  In Jesus Name, AMEN.”

What are you doing right now to clear out some of the voices cluttering your brain?  I’d love to hear them!


Pastor, you need a vacation. Feel like it’s too late to indulge in a vacation this summer?  Think again.  Even if it’s just a couple of days, do it for your family.  Or if it really is too late then schedule one at Christmas.  Whatever you have to do, make it a priority.  In last month’s blog You, Pastor Need a Vacation- 7 Simple Ways to Afford a Vacation I offered places that can actually get you out of your state in a way a pastor can afford.

Here are a few tips to help you create and save money for your getaway:

BONUSES- Do you receive a bonus from your board at Christmas?  Money from Pastor Appreciation?  Put a portion aside for a getaway. I know, there’s always something else to spend the money on, but how much longer do you have your kids at home?  Take advantage of this time as much as possible.

CONSIGN CLOTHES- Your kids growing out of their clothes?  Done with yours?  Consign them.  Thrift stores are easy, but if you can make money on them, do it. I have designated all my consign sales for our vacation spending money.  When I know where we are going, I make it a point to know what we will be doing there and use my consign money for that purpose.

FB RESALE SITES-  I’m not the biggest fan of Facebook resale sites, BUT I have made some money towards my vacation spending money.

SWITCH TO AN AIRLINE CREDIT CARD- I talk about this in my last post.  If you are using a credit card, make it work for you.  I try my best to use these points for flights, but things come up.  Next month I’m using my points to ‘pay’ for my hotel for my cousin’s wedding in Chicago.  I also used them to rent a car a few months back for a funeral.

Dave Ramsey would disagree with me on this topic, but I don’t use the card unless I have the money to pay it off right then.  You cannot earn the points unless they are paid for.  So, if you are not disciplined enough to use a credit card then don’t do it.  Skip this one.

PS- I use my church card points for gas cards.  This helps cover a majority of our gas on road trips.

GROUPON-  Do you know where you are going?  Type your destination into Groupon’s search bar and check out all the deals that pop up.  You can save anywhere from 20-60% on hotels, museums, and restaurants.

RESTAURANTS.COM- If you don’t mind being an adventurous foodie you can get gift cards to restaurants around your destination for as much as half price!  I tend to pack most of our food and if there is a kitchen I cook, but I like to eat a few meals out- because well, it’s a vacation!


I know many of you really feel like you can’t take time away.  However, please pray and reconsider. Your family needs time away from their home and church with you.  Whether you are married, single, have a family, you need time away to refresh.


“Dear Lord, you see our family needs time away.  I pray that you would help us create opportunities to do this.  Help us find deals and bring us the provision to create family memories. Help us to be wise in our decision making and help us to draw closer together as a family.  In Jesus Name, AMEN.”


YOU pastor- you and your family need a vacation.

I know, I  know.  Work never slows, you don’t have enough money, excuse, excuse, excuse . . . However . . .

I recently took an empty-nester survey on social media.  I asked if they could have any ‘do-over’ with their kids, what would it be. The number one response was a family vacation.  Not getting them a specific toy or gadget. Not providing more for their college.  All the responses were wrapped around time, and mostly, the time of a vacation.

I used to feel guilty about spending the time and the money on family vacations.  I used to think, “This money could go to missions.”  or “I could be saving for a car.”

I finally got over it.  Why?  Because  it’s an investment.  We are creating memories and giving them experiences that can’t be found wrapped in a box under a tree.  We are creating memories outside of our home and church that doesn’t include mom being pulled in different directions or stuck on the phone at night.  And on top of it, drawing closer together as a family.

Don’t have money for a vacation?  Join the club!  However, I have done lots of research to make my travels possible. No, I can’t take my whole family to Hawaii or Costa Rica –yet.  BUT, we do the best we can to get out of our state so the kids can see and experience a world outside of their own.

Here are a few tips to help you figure out somewhere inexpensive:

TRAVEL HACKING– Travel hacking is a way to travel for very little money. There is too much to go into, so I suggest looking up these websites to learn more about how to do this.  It will take time, but it’s worth it.  Through travel hacking I flew my family to Florida one Christmas. All ‘paid’ for through airline miles I earned.  I’ve also ‘paid’ for hotels and car rentals this way.

CONDOS VS. HOTELS– I always go to when planning a trip.  Most of the time, you can find a deal that is not only cheaper to rent for the week vs. a hotel, it’s more spacious.  We used to get hotels off (and I still do sometimes).  However, I have learned the hard way we cannot handle the five of us in one room for more than three nights.  A condo gives you a living room to gather together, and bedrooms to get away from each other. 🙂   You also save money on meals because you can buy groceries when you get to your destination (or bring them) and cook at ‘home.’

MOM AND POP IT– If you have to do a hotel, opt for a mom and pop place.  Yes, they’re more run down, but the prices are right and they might have the amenities you need that big chains do not. Last June we went to Niagara Falls.  The only hotels with outdoor pools were super cheap run down places.  So that’s where we stayed.  We didn’t want to spend our free time in a pool indoors, we wanted to be outside. The kids didn’t care that nothing matched and the TV wasn’t flat.  All they cared about was playing outside and being together.

Niagara Falls

Niagara Falls

KICK IT WITH NATURE– Nature is always cheaper and more relaxing than a great big amusement park.  Your child will not die if they didn’t get to experience Cedar Point.  Once we got a beach condo on the Gulf.  Many asked if we were going to Disney. Nope.  We camped our hinnies on the beach everyday, and swam the pool at night. Not only did we not have the exhaustion of the hustle and bustle of a big park, we relaxed every day while NOT spending money. My kids still talk about that trip.

NATIONAL PARKS– Speaking of nature, National Parks are the way to go.  Nothing says God is amazing like kayaking down the Colorado River at the Grand Canyon, a super cool 150 foot geyser in Yellowstone, or starfish in the tide pools at Olympic.

Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes

Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes

There’s plenty to explore at each park with only having to pay the entry fee, (a couple don’t even charge).  Do you have a fourth grader?  Even better! Fourth graders get a free pass for them and their whole carload. It’s part of their Every Kid in a Park program. We’ve been taking advantage of this since we live right by Sleeping Bear Dunes. You can even camp for an even cheaper, more roughin’ it experience (not us, I rented a condo for when we head to the Smokies).

EXPLORE A BIG CITY– A couple years ago I went by myself to London for a weekend (yes, a weekend). I was able to get a free ticket with my airline miles (I did pay some taxes), I spent two days eating street food from vendors, rode the subway (the tube), and I put over 50,000 steps on my fitbit. London has so much to see and so much history that I didn’t need to spend money on tourist attractions. I spent $450 that weekend, and I only spent that much because I brought back so many souvenirs. Washington DC is another great place because you learn about history, and all the museums are FREE. We even stayed at an inexpensive hotel that shuttled us to the subway for free.

GO OFF SEASON– I know, we’re talking about taking a vacation this summer, BUT there are some places you can go that summer is their off season. You just have to do a little research.

Christmas vacation is a great off season time for southern states before January 1st. Prices skyrocket after this for all the snowbirds headed south for winter.

Stay tuned next time for part two, to talk about how to both create and save money so you can take your family on vacation!


“Lord, you see we need to spend time together as a family.  It can prove to be difficult with our ministry life style.  I pray that you would open the doors of opportunity to create an inexpensive vacation for our family.  Draw us closer together and draw us closer to you. In Jesus Name, Amen.”

To All My Christmas Haters

Do you want to know a secret? I hate Christmas baking with my kids.  Well, hate is a strong word.  Maybe strongly dislike would be better.  So you know what?

We don’t bake.

For real.

I don’t make cookies, bread, candy or anything with my kids. Am I depriving them of this wonderful childhood memory every year? Maybe. But they have a sane mom. To tell you the truth, last year after the kids went to bed I made, cut out, decorated, and ate sugar cookies all by myself. It was awesome! Therapeutic actually. BUT, I packaged up half the batch, some frosting and sent them off to Grandma’s so the kids got a ‘cookie experience.’

My point? We stress out over little things at Christmas and it needs to stop.  We’re so busy doing ‘Christmasie things’ that we don’t even enjoy the season. Not only that, but Christmas is just a plain busy time for pastors/ministry workers. We’re putting together kids programs, Christmas Eve services, benevolence activities, and feeding programs. There is a lot going on, and our family suffers.

The goal is to enjoy yourself and your family this season in the midst of all that has to get done. Here are a few things you, my Christmas Hater, can do now, during and after Christmas that will help with stress.

Sit and write down all your Christmas stressors. Ask yourself what can you do without this year to lighten your load.
Draw names. Why buy something for all your co-workers or all your siblings? Draw names to buy one gift verses five.
Get shopping done before December. I know, that sounds stressful itself, but trust me: not having to go through the chaos of the mall in December is priceless.

Shop online. Another time and money saving way to go (though not as fun as actually shopping).
Simple gift wrapping.  This maybe fun, but only do the fancy wrapping job if it’s fun for you. Don’t stress yourself out over Pinterest paper and homemade tags.
Elf on the Shelf. Seriously? Ain’t nobody got time for that.
Have lots of sex with your husband. Sex is clinically proven to relieve stress.  Plus, Paul told us that we should be doing it often anyway.  So when in doubt, pull the Bible card (“But Paul said!”).
Make Christmas Day about your immediate family.  If you’re worried about grandmas and grandpas then have them come to YOUR house.  Make this the one day you stay home.

Shop the sales the day after Christmas. Don’t ever pay full price for paper and tags. Get it now for next year.
Every month pick up a gift card. Target, Panera Bread, Starbucks. Any place that’s popular. At Christmas time there is always someone we forget to buy for. A teacher, coach, new co-worker, etc. Having those extra gift cards on hand will save time and stress.
Plan a vacation. Depending on you schedule, Christmas vacation might be the perfect time to get away.  We have made many a vacation the Christmas present under the tree, and has been wonderful for our family.

Remember. Jesus didn’t come down for fancy wrapping paper or frosted cookies. Those things are fun, but as we reflect on His birth let’s put into perspective why we are doing what we’re doing.

“Thank you Lord for the birth of your son.  Thank you for this time of year to be able to reflect on the gift you gave us.  Help us and our families to treasure this time.  That we would slow down and make wonderful memories.  Show me the best way to do this, Lord. In Jesus Name, Amen!”

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HOW DO YOU DO IT ALL?- Part 1: FOOD“How do you do it all?”

I laugh when people ask me this question. I smile and give them all the same answer- I don’t. My house is trashed and the crockpot is my best friend.

My boss (our lead pastor) gave the rest of us pastors the day off today. I was super excited to pray, read a book and work on my upcoming sermon. But what did I do? Grocery shopped and cooked until it was time to pick up the kids from school. Now of course this isn’t bad, it was actually therapeutic to be able to play catch-up; but I still find it a struggle balancing everything. When I asked some of my lady friend pastors what their biggest struggles are as a female pastor, the biggest answer was- balancing ministry and family.

Can I be honest with you? I can’t stand the Titus 2 woman. It says to me, “Cooking and cleaning.” My two least favorite words. So whether I like it or not, part of being a wife and mother is helping take care of my home- and that includes feeding those in my house that call me ‘mom’. Food is a big part of our lives and seems to often fall on our shoulders as the wife so that is where we will begin our series.

Just like you, I’m still learning. I’m no expert, but my desire is for us to come along side each other to help and encourage. As one who may look like she does it all (but really doesn’t) here are a few things that have helped me.

* Shop once a month for all the big items and prepare freezer meals. This has saved my children from starving. It also saves on time, mess and money. I pull something out of the freezer in the morning, and pop it in the oven when we get home.

* Put a bowl of fruit out on the table. Whenever my growing, always ‘starving’ son says he’s hungry I point him to the table. It’s quick, accessible and healthy (and no work for me).

* This bowl is also the ‘before bedtime snack.’ If they say they’re hungry before bed, it’s the fruit bowl or nothing.

* Do crockpot meals on nights when you will be at the church like Wednesday Family Nights or night services.

* Budget in pizza. Once a week or once a month, whatever you do it will bring sanity.

* Make Sunday night soup night. Make a double batch and snack on it all week, especially those nights you forget to pull something out of the freezer.

* Make the same thing throughout the month. Do we really need to have something different every night of the month? Asians eat rice and fish everyday, it won’t kill our families to eat pot roast twice a month.

*On that note, make the same thing every month. This makes shopping a synch. Sure we switch things up depending on the season, but don’t stress out over making something different all the time.

* Keep healthy canned soup on hand. Is is fantastic for nights where I’ve had a long day and don’t want to cook. Keep all natural bread rolls in the freezer and serve with the hot soup.

* Keep canned soup at the church too. Who hasn’t had an unplanned stay with the kids at the office?

* Keep a box of cake or brownie mix in the pantry for those times you end up getting volunteered to make something for your second grader’s class. (I actually don’t do this because I will find any excuse to eat brownies)

* Delegate to your hubby and kids (if they’re only enough). I’ve told my husband, thou he can’t cook, his night is Saturday. It gives me a break and shares the responsibility with him.

* ALWAYS eat dinner together. Lots of things fall through the cracks in our busy lives, don’t let this be one of them. Try your hardest to have dinner together as much as possible. We’ve had many a meal around a pre-school table in the church nursery, even if it was just pizza.

These are just a few things that make my life as a wife, mother and pastor a little more balanced. I’ll post at a later date tips that have helped in my marriage, kids and house. Please comment below what you do. I love learning from others!

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