Wife, Mother, Pastor

SHOW YOUR FLAWS- Relatable, Not Untouchable

“I just don’t want to take advice from her.”

I listened as my friend spilled her guts about the stresses of her life over coffee and apple pie.  She confided in me and another friend how much she wanted some help with her parenting.

I was surprised at this as our church has hosted conferences, small groups and more.  All on trying to help parents. It seems that when we put events together, no one shows- or those that do already seem to have it together.  When we recommend resources, no one “has time” to read those resources. I was also surprised because most people seem agitated someone even suggests something other than how they are actually parenting. But what I wasn’t expecting is why this particular mom didn’t like participating in these events.

She was tired of seeing the ‘perfect moms’ on social media, or wherever, publicly showing us all how to make homemade bread, organize the house, workout, and so on.

“Great,” she said.  “They’re doing another small group.  I just don’t feel like I can take parenting advice from someone so perfect.”

Now, mind you, these women whom she was speaking have their flaws.  They will be the first to tell you how NOT perfect they are.  However, it is hard for those around them to see the flaws when social media tells a different story.  Instagram posts of super mommy adventures, medals from half marathons, and their beautiful meals.

We as leaders obviously know this has to do with our identity in Christ.  It’s not new to us.  We witness this insecurity all the time, especially in women.

I did not grow up in the church, but from what I have gathered over the years, congregations had put pastors up on a pedestal and were someone to ‘idolize.’  Now a days, people are not looking for someone who is untouchable, but someone relatable.  Of course, pastors need to be good examples and be respected as the authority figures God has called them to be, but people want to know you’re not perfect.

The best advice ever given to me about public speaking was this- share your flaws and share other people’s successes.  Now, I’m not saying you should never share your testimonies or brag a little on your family.  However, more and more successes can look prideful over time and bitterness can build up.

So, what am I saying? Show your flaws now and then.  Leave the make-up off. Preach on the mistakes you’ve made.  Share past struggles.  You don’t have to give the gory details, just show you’re human.

I know that I cannot control other people’s insecurities.  I know that I can’t help it if someone compares them self to me- we all do it and have done it.  But after that night of tears, coffee, and pie, I said this prayer, “Lord, help me to be a good example to those I lead.  Never let them see me as untouchable, but relatable.  Help me to inspire their walk, not hinder their walk.”

How can we do this for our sheep?

ADMIT YOUR SHORTCOMINGS: Who didn’t have time to make fancy birthday treats for school?  This girl!  Sams cupcakes it is!

TELL FUNNY (NOT EMBARRASSING) STORIES ABOUT YOUR FAMILY: There are still those that think pastor families are perfect.  Don’t be afraid to humanize your family.  If your kids say or do something funny (not embarrassing, PLEASE be mindful of this) then share it- but ask their permission first.

SHARE YOUR PAST: It’s OK to share your past struggles now and then. Once, our youth pastor preached on pornography, sharing his journey and testimony. He is now set free, but he brought himself on everyone’s playing field and let them know, “Hey, if I can get set free from this, so can you.”  I think giving an open window into his past not only made him more relatable to those in the congregation, but brought glory to what God can do.

You can be inspiring, but still relatable.  I pray that is how people see us.  We will never be able to reach everyone, but maybe a few more than before.


Love you all!

Please share your thoughts below.








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