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Wife, Mother, Pastor

Why am I Credentialed?

“What am I credentialed for?”

Have you ever asked yourself this question in the midst of motherhood?

I had the privilege to preach the Mother’s Day service this month.  It was called Feminine Empowerment-the difference between feminine and feminism. I had been so nervous for this weekend. After the three services were done, I knew God had shown up. Though I felt like it was completely unorganized and jumbled, I still felt God’s anointing.  I had many ladies afterwards share that it was one of the best Mother’s Day services they’d ever been to.

I had to ask myself, what does this all mean?  I know that I’m in this place today for a purpose.  Yes, I get to have a career and that’s awesome.  I get to preach now and then, I get to lead, I get to earn money for our family.  However, it is still hard at times because I want to move forward, I want to do bigger things.  I must remind myself that the mommying I am doing is also very big.  It doesn’t feel like it today as I see my house a mess after just cleaning it yesterday.  It doesn’t feel like it since my almost four-year-old son is still not potty trained.  And as I write this my boys are fighting in the background over Legos.

The Dixie Chicks song, Cowboy Take Me Away keeps playing in my head.  I just want to be swept away on an adventure. But what the Dixie Chicks song doesn’t tell you is that when you get swept away by your cowboy, life still happens. Dishes need to be done, laundry piles up, kids crawl all over you and it seems there isn’t any quiet.

So again, as I look back on the weekend, and in the midst of all the ladies’ responses, I have to ask myself, “What does this all mean?”  I’m where I am supposed be now, but with the responses, with the anointing, I just wonder what the future holds.

Lately I feel as if God is telling me He wants me to dream.  I’m scared to dream.  He has reminded me over and over the vision he gave me when I was 20 in a little church service in Palenbang, Indonesia.  In the vision, I was on a big black stage, microphone in hand, preaching.  This excites me, but I hold back just in case it’s not what I think it is.

“Do you put a Christmas wreath on your door in July?” 

This was a questioned posed to a Facebook friend of mine, Ruthie when she was like you and me.  A young mom, raising her babies, knowing she had a call to ministry on her life, credentialed, filling the pulpit once in awhile, yet watching others around her live out the dream she had.

“No, that would look really stupid,”  she said.

“It’s so important to recognize what is best for each season in our lives. Christmas wreaths in July just don’t work because they’re out of their season. They make everything just a little bit uncomfortable.  When they’re in season, they’re beautiful, but when they’re out of season it just feels a little bit off  . . . Christmas wreaths have to wait their turn.  And when it is their turn they are going to make everything beautiful. But there are certain times in the life of a Christmas wreath where it gets put away into a box in a dark closet when it is not doing and shining for what it was meant for.”

Ruthie, now with grown babies, gets to live her ministry dreams. All while enjoying grandbabies- you know, the reward God gives you for not killing your own kids (so I’ve heard).

Mother’s Day makes me think that I was created for more than just preaching once or twice a year.  But for now, I’m where I’m supposed to be.  Cuddling my kids, sweeping up Legos and trying not to swear- because they’ll all be gone one day. I’m where I’m supposed to be doing ministry “part-time”, watching and encouraging others to live out their dreams, filling a pulpit a couple times a year- because one day the house will be quiet, and I will have time to make those dreams into reality.

PRAY WITH ME SISTERS

“Lord, I understand there are seasons and it won’t always be this way.  There won’t always be diapers and hormonal teenagers.  I know that one day the Christmas wreath will be taken out of the closet and placed on the door in its due season. Open those doors of opportunity for me now to grow in you and in my gifting.  Help me where I feel discouraged in my season, and help fill those gaps. In Jesus Name, Amen.”

Love you, ladies!

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